Learning and psychological well being are entwined.  The definition of learning has been expanded beyond academic achievement to include emotional growth and social acumen.  Helping children to maximize their success can be measured by the levels of self-love, compassion for others and an overall sense of connection with life that can be maintained even during times of loss and pain.  Children who learn to express their feelings fully in safe ways and in appropriate contexts feel heard and respected and are far less likely to develop addictive behaviors, psychiatric illnesses and psychosomatic disorders as they mature physically and developmentally.  Many adults are in a position to model and to assist children in the safe expression of feelings.

It is important to acknowledge that even small children have very big feelings.  They feel rage intensely, they grieve deeply and they feel joy boundlessly.  Often, children have learned early on that they may not feel loved by those they love or accepted fully by their friends and peers if they express their feelings in an open manner.  Some expressions of feeling do not fit comfortably into the classroom, playground or at the dinner table.  However, a continued pattern of denial of the expression of feelings will lead to the development of maladaptive psychological defense mechanisms and/or addiction.

Some ideas and suggestions for adults in helping children to express their feelings in a safe manner are listed as follows:

l. All feelings are acceptable.  Acting out violently or passive-aggressively toward others because of those feelings is not acceptable.

2. When speaking to children about their feelings, notice when those feelings make you feel uncomfortable.  If you can, encourage children to express their darkest feelings without giving them the emotional message that having such feelings is a sign of a personality defect.

3. If you sense that a child needs to express their feelings to you, and the present time is not convenient for that expression of feeling, when possible, contract with the child for a specific time when this can be done.

4. Help children to develop various methods of safely expressing their feelings.  Writing down feelings, drawing feelings and having a supervised area where a child can go to hit and kick pillows and/or to scream and cry can go a long way toward helping children to reduce emotional tension.

5. Ask for help.  None of us is an expert all of the time.  Together we can exchange ideas and develop creative methods for supporting children to feel successful.

                                                                               Steven Sacks, ACSW, CASAC
                                                                               School Social Worker
                                                                               Bowling Green Elementary School